One Love

It's been what 5 days? I missed blogging - things are better. Not gonna be long until I'm moaning again - as it is Monday tomorrow ;)

One word for this weekend - wow. Thursday night - went to a charity event which my Aunty organised, so nice to know that we want to make a difference to those less fortunate. As cliche as this saying is.. it did make me realise how lucky I am. To be surrounded by those who love me, and to be able to know that every thing's secure, and that someones always there to catch your worries, or to help you. This weekend I realised I'm not alone, far from it. 
 
On Friday I got an opportunity that I'll probably never get again, so I took it. Friday night was such an amazing night, I filled in for someone and ended up modelling for Aftershock in a club called Apres with my best friend and stayed there for the after party. Such a good night - couldn't stop smiling. This is to say thank you to my best friend/sister for everything. I love you!

Saturday, after my lack of sleep and with completely numb feet I went home and had baby cheetah over in the evening. I really needed an evening at home, with one of my favourite gurls :) We talked, laughed and acted like we were half our age and after all of this...we watched Despicable Me. AMAZING, I highly recommend it. The kid Agnes in it is so cute and her "It's So fluffyyyyyy"quote made my day. Along with the junk food!

LOVE YOUU

This song is amazing, the beat blows my mind...I love Katy Perry!

"You never see it coming, you just get to see it go. I should have looked up in the sky at first now I see it in her eyes - fireworks." - Drake

We wrote this for a purpose

Through the wreck that has been this week so far, I can only thank my beautiful friends for being there through every moment I've wanted to self destruct. When you immerse yourself in the love of your friends or family, you feel completely invincible, they create your 'bubble'. This bubble is full of giggling and just being really stupid - because it's fun, having someone know what you're thinking just by giving them 'that look' that you're both so familiar with, someone knowing you're not okay - even though you insist that you are. People like this are the ones know everything about you. And still love you.

Sometimes I think my friends know me better than I know myself, and that's not even necessarily a bad thing. In this 'bubble', days are perfect, you always have that feeling that every thing's going your way and nothing brings you down, you're constantly on a high and nothing else matters, but the reality of this is that that the 'bubble' tends to pop, just when you think everything is perfect and at this point, we give up. We turn into a negative mess and everything seems so pointless, your mind turns into a war field and everything seems to turn against you. I described it last night as 'the walls closing in on you.' - That sums it up exactly.

I think the idea of perfection is too generalised - it's your perception of your own ideal world that is perfection to you, everyone is different for a reason, life would be boring if we weren't. We all have our own 'bubbles' but I think we just get displaced when they burst. As you guessed my bubble has burst, but if this is a bad thing - I don't know. Today I've taken a step back, things aren't as bad as I think they are. But sadly - I have problems in taking my own advice. I speak for many other people when I say this, but maybe - when I find the courage to do this my bubble will become completely invincible, so nothing can burst it. Life seems better with an imaginary wall around you, you feel safer - but we all have to face what we are afraid of one day, it only makes you stronger. 

Take everything in your stride, learn from your mistakes, and don't be scared to step away from normality - It's fun sometimes, who wants to be normal anyway? 

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different." - Coco Chanel 

Really looking forward to the weekend - the idea of doing nothing really does make me happy, and at least we will ALL be back at school on monday ;). 

My friend/cupcake (love you) showed me this song  and I think its incredible..Thank You :)

Thursday tomorrow. Almost friday.x

We won't be here forever.

When everything gets absolutely crap, do you give up? When you give up on something, you get that disappointed feeling in your stomach. You know deep down that if you try harder you might actually achieve something. I've learned today that the previous sentence is wishful thinking. Sadly to acheive you need motivation and to my dismay I've misplaced my motivation, and if anyone knows where it is or how I can get it back please do tell me, because at this rate I'm headed to working in a shed, alone, with 50 cats. Well, at least I nailed parallel parking today in my driving lesson - It's a start right? But yeah...I'll get back to you when I find my motivation, might take a while. Watch this space monsters.

I've decided that the best feeling ever is when someone understands exactly how you're feeling. Your problems seem halved when someone else is there to help you go through those times when you feel lost, confused or just generally a mess. Sometimes you don't realise how amazing specific friends can be, it's all just blurred in the shambles of everyday life. I realised today that to be a good freind you have to make sacrifices and maybe even give up something or someone you love dearly. It doesn't mean you've lost that person (or thing) that you've sacrificed forever, it just means you care enough to let it go and that you care enough to make someone else happy. Your own happiness will follow, but sadly I'm still waiting for mine. 

"It's not what you have in life, but who you have that counts." - B.S

Just be thankful you have pretty eyes, a working ipod and a blog. That's all a girl needs in life I guess ;).

If you're on half term right now, I hate you large amounts. I don't really know what's wrong with our school and why they put our half term a week before everyone else, but I don't find it very funny. I also don't know why my laptop is extremely hot right now. Apple need to sort their lives out and need to stop making self igniting laptops, it's burning my bed ! Basically, I will be happier when this week is over. 27 days untill Two Door :) - still excited !

Listening to Blindsided - Bon Iver. (I think my blog has a thing for Bon Iver. It always shuffles when im blogging!) This song reminds me of those wierd days, where it's sunny but freezing cold, this also comes with a feeling that there's something missing but I've never really figured out what it is.

I give up.x

And I told you to be patient, and I told you to be kind....

Can someone please tell me where half term has gone? Why do we have to go back to school when the whole world is on half term? Torture....Yes. 

Had a lovely day yesterday photographing my beautiful sister trailing through Windsor with a bunch of baloons. The things we do for art, but yeah it's so true that the littlest things do have the ability to make you happy, this goes for the whole day and evening that I had yesterday. 

Woke up this morning feeling quite content with life. This lasted for a whole 5 seconds, untill I realised that the mountain of work on my room floor needs to be dealt with and that sometimes when you get what you want, you realise that complicationss still do exist. Sadly, nothing's ever perfect - but that doesn't mean you shouldn't appreciate things the way they are. Be happy with what you have and don't forget things could be worse. Sometimes you need to take a step back, 9/10 times situations are never as bad as you make them out made out to be. 

I've been sitting in the same spot for about 5 hours telling myself every 5 minutes that I will start work in 5 minutes.  Not going so well - its been about 5 hours. Thats alot of 5 minuteses right!? Okay I'm not making sense anymore. Blahhh too many words.

"Then I tell it to her face, if everyone was like you the world will be a better place." - Weezy.

Listening to Skinny Love - Bon Iver. Love the song, love them.

Got nothing else to say really - Peace.x

They couldn't think of something to save the day you burst..

Broken promises, laughing until it actually hurts, that knotted feeling you get in your stomach when you see/hear something you didn't want to see or know about, being scared to give your word to someone because you hate breaking promises, watching friendships I honestly thought were indestructible fall apart - you name it, it's happened today.

After a day of shopping, I watched my Mum and Aunty play on an Nitendo Wii. This was probably one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen in my life. This evening, I watched The Social Network, I don't understand how it got nominated for 8 Baftas? It was the biggest pile of ish I've ever seen. The best part was watching Justin Timberlake for an hour.

I've also rediscovered my obsession with Passion Pit. This song is incredible...

I have a large pile of work staring at me, and I am now coming to terms with the fact that I should start it - Soon(ish). Maybe tomorrow...or Friday? So sadly I will not be blogging tomorrow night, or the next, or the next. That is such a joke, I think I'm addicted.

Currently listening to Girls Fall Like Dominoes - Nicki Minaj. (I know she stole the song off The Big Pink and I'm sorry to all the more alternative people I know, I promise she did it justice.)

"I just kinda do what I feel. I never knew what lane I would fill, I if I would fill a lane at all. I didn’t even really contemplate that far down the road. I just started having fun, and a lot of that came from me seeing Lil Wayne dare to be different, and I started feeling like I can be a multifaceted rapper. I don’t have to be a one-dimensional female rapper. Once I put that in perspective, it was like everything just got easier for me, because I no longer wanted to fit in anybody’s box… I just wanted to be Nicki" - Nicki Minaj

Bleh. I have to get up at 9 tomorrow :(. Sweeet.x

But I don't think I can be anything other than me.

So I went into the kitchen this morning and put on 30 Minutes To New Orleans - Lil Wayne on really loud (as you do), my day was going well until I realised my cereal was stale and we only had skimmed milk. WHAT is the point in skimmed milk ? It may as well be water. From this point I said goodbye to optimism. Who needs it anyways!?

You know what, I'm getting this off my chest now as I'm being such a pessimist. I failed my theory, by FIVE marks, but still. I failed. Having not ever failed anything before I am not happy, and I can't burn my highway code yet. Laugh it up because I'm trying one more time and if I fail it again I'm buying a bike with a bell and a cute basket. Who needs a car anyway? After failing, I went to the gym, this also didn't go well as I went to Burger King after. I may as well join fat fighters now but then I can't ride the bike if I'm fat. Eee life is confusing. Hopefully the second times a charm.

This evening I fell in love with Tinie Tempah while watching the Brits, me and my Mama also discovered that Ceelo Green is a midget. It's true & if you don't believe me - google it! I also found Jessie J's speech very cute - Love her.

Currently listening to Song Away - Hockey. It's part of the weird side of my music library as my music taste goes from T.I to The Pretty Reckless - as annoying as Taylor Momsen is - I love her voice, especially in this song...

I have a driving lesson at 9:15 tomorrow. I don't know why I arranged my lesson to be at such an inhumane hour, but yes. I should think about sleeping, sometime very soon(ish). 

"And when the sun falls down, I'll be up again & never close my eyes & if the dawn might break, I'll see nothing when my thoughts are only you and my mind is over you." - Ed Sheeran.

غودنيت‎

x

Many surprises await you..

I've been told my blog's too depressing. If you find it depressing, just don't read it ;) Hehe I'm joking Fifi - This ones for you <3

After a romantic day shopping with my Mother, I'm glad the most pointless day of the year is over. Tomorrow I have my theory and I've spent this evening learning the Highway code. BLEH I really hope I pass tomorrow so I can burn it, believe me when i say that it's extremely boring, and now I know that if ever I approach a herd of sheep - I have to stop my engine. How useful.

After being an only child for 3 days my sister got back from Berlin this evening :). She greeted me by coming in my room and falling asleep on my bedroom floor due to exhaustion. How cute. Jewbean I love you :) 

Funniest moment of the day has got to be my Mama saying to me "Do you fancy anyone at the moment?" HAHA. I'd rather not discuss this with my Mama, let alone people that are reading this, but the truth is - the only good looking person on the planet is Chris Brown. After watching his performance of Take You Down at the powerhouse on YouTube I've decided that he's too good looking.

Listening to Unforgettable - Drake, brings back memories from the summer.

"And right now, never forgetting from where I came and no matter where I'm headed I promise to stay the same." - Drake

Which reminds me - I've been battling with my brain recently trying to figure this out - If a friend changes, do you stick to them? Inevitably being a good friend this should be your first instinct, but what if you don't like what your friend is changing into? People change & it's part of being a human, but I've realised recently that it's so hard to watch someone you love turn into a complete stranger, it makes you feel so powerless. In this situation I'm just going to wait, and tell myself it's a phase. I really hope it is just a phase, because if you're reading this - I really miss you.

The title of this post is dedicated to Two Door. Eeeee - still looking forward to it.

  

"I don't know when I lost my mind, maybe it was everytime you said that I miss you." - Ed Sheeran

Love.x

How did I end up right here with you?

Apart from the fact that I am bored out my mind, I have no motive to write this post. All the words I want to say are jumbled up in my head and they have been since about 2 in the afternoon on Saturday.  Sadly it's Valentine's day tomorrow and my Mama (as cute as she is) sprung a surprise spa day on me & I don't know if to laugh or cry about this.

Despite the start, it's been a good weekend, saw some people who really do have the genuine ability to make me smile. I've realised quite a few things in the last few days, one being that I just need to learn to give up thinking about what's going to happen. It never makes a difference and things never normally turn out how you want them to be or how you think they're going to be. So I'm reverting to saying "What's the point?" My point is - there isn't one. So do what you want, as long as it makes you happy.

After a lovely Saturday evening with Cupcake <3, full of giggles and blasian things, we watched Eat Pray Love which made me realise that I'm really looking forward to the summer. Should be amazing as hopefully I'll be driving by then. Note the 'hopefully' - driving isn't exactly my forte.

Currently listening to Blame Game - Kanye West & John Legend. Such a pretty song - Kanye West's latest album still continues to blow my mind. I have no idea how he came up with so many amazing songs. 

"You weren't perfect but you made life worth it - Stick around, real feelings might surface" - Kanye West.

Happy Valentine's Day. Haha - how hypocritical of me. x

She's a good girl - Loves her Mama.

I dislike Thursdays. You can't get excited for the weekend because it's too far but part of you thinks Friday is very soon, but the day goes too slowly so the prospect of excitement for the weekend fades throughout the day. 

I found myself looking at the clock alot today, for no reason. What am I waiting for? Why do I want time to pass? And why am I always thinking about the next minute when I could be enjoying the current one? I think people tend to think about the future too much, we tend to live in the next five minutes. So in conclusion, my late new years resolution is to enjoy the moment that I'm currently living in. The future is uncertain and the past has already happened, so what's the point worrying about it? But then again, it's always harder than it looks to take your own advice. Reminds me of a quote my Mummy said to me once: 

"When reaching for the stars don't miss the flowers beneath your feet." Hehehe she's so full of wisdom.

There are two things that annoy me. 1 - Mess, if you know me you will already know this. I have a track record of tidying my friends rooms, yes I know thats wierd. 2 - People that break promises. Why would you promise something to someone if you know that it's not possible? All it does is give people false hope. People that know what I'm talking about with understand this. I don't have bipolar disorder I promise !

And while im at it ! I HATE distances. I miss so many people right now. I have the most amazing best friend living in South Africa. My jellybean - you're amazing. And my young Mummy number 3 in Dubai I Love You. IA see you both very soon !

Currently listening to Tracktor - Wretch 32. Reminds me of a birthday party a went to a few weeks -  ago - love you cupcake ! Such good memories ! I also can't stop listening to I Need A Doctor - Dr.Dre & Eminem, it's incredible and the chorus is stuck in a repetitive loop in my head. 

I'm really sorry this post has actually turned into a giant rant, but it was very much needed - at least Thursday's over. TGIF.

In the words of J.P - Giggle.x

Nothing ever changes, so tonight is like tomorrow night.

Trying to think how to start this post is wasting my time. Been a good day, probably due to the fact that I only had 3 lessons and a whole afternoon off, you know how it is. I've learnt today that I love giving people surprises, and that I should really do it more often - it puts a huge smile on my face :) but I've also learnt that no matter how much you care, some people just don't care back. Better if you accept it now, it will save you a large amount of dissapointment. 

On a happier note, the Ed Sheeran tickets are booked for May....AND the coutdown begins now ! I'm so excited. Right now....my driving theory books are staring me in the face and I should really start learning for my theory exam as it is next Tuesday. What's the point of even learning it? Surely road traffic signs will distract me even further from keeping my eyes on the road, which I find quite challenging. Eeee I can't wait to start driving.

I would now like to express my love for my baby cheetah <3 You're a cutie. 

I'm currently listening to Lump Sum - Bon Iver. I've grown to love them in the past six months, their music is incredible, it fits any mood and is a break from all the music I have with an extremely heavy base line and the repetiton of words I cannot say right now, most of it being Lil Wayne - but don't get me wrong, I think Weezy's voice is the one of the best things on the planet, along with humming bird cupcakes (tomato - they always make me think of you x).

"I never had height but boy I got heart." - Lil Wayne

At the end of One Tree Hill today , Chad Michael Murray said:

"What a frightening thing the human is, a mass of gauges and dials and registers, and we can read only a few and those perhaps not accurately." - John Steinbeck

Like you guessed, this sent sparks flying in my brain.

I'm now completely out of words. x

Just Keep Swimming..

Ahh, Rise and Grind - It's only tuesday and it feels like I've been back at school for about 10 years. Been an averagely normal day accept the fact that my DRAKE poster arrived in the post :D and I've found myself repetitvely quoting Finding Nemo !? But what I wanna know is HOW MANY days untill summer? Well at least Tuesday's over and tomorrow is the middle of the week ! One less day untill half term - where i can revert to my natural, nocturnal state - best way to be & you know it.

Again, I'm back in my normal routine of procrastinating at this time of the day , I'm currently listening to One by Swedish House Mafia (which reminds me of some incredible memories in Cannes in the summer - YOU know who you are !) and staring at the ceiling and obviously doing anything but work. The SUN came out today :) which means this summer is closer and I'm SO excited for the festivals. Which reminds me, 33 days untill some amazing friends and I go and see Two Door Cinema Club in concert, should be a really good gig ! So excited. AND then tickets for Ed Sheeran's gig go on sale tomorrow & I'm going with my alter-ego/therapist/brain-twin/bubba & my FAVOURITE couple ( You all know who you are). It will be one to remember.

Eeeee - My Itunes library just shuffled Friendly Fires, I love their music, always.

Sadly it's Valentines day next Monday, which IS the most pointless day of the year. If you love somone, it should be constant, not just on Valentine's day? Wow. I could go on for hours...

Now imma be extremely cheesy and leave you with a quote that made me think. Alot (never good.)

   

The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow. - Bob Marley

Smile. x

Hola. Attempt 1

Ok so I've never done anything like this before. I'm gonna try my best not to sound like a bad version of Gossip Girl. Blogging seems like a good way to have a daily rant, as i think my sister is getting sick of me complaining at her. I'm not all complaints though, I'm generally quite a positive person :)

You know that feeling when you think things CAN'T get worse ? I have learned this week that things actually can get worse after that feeling. It just seems to be like bad news after bad news, but happily - But after a pep talk from two of my best friends, I think I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, FINALLY ! All I can say is...never ever ever take the people that you love for granted, you will end up regreting it.

I've spent this week listening dribbling over Louis Vuitton's Spring Collection, counting the days untill summer, putting Nicki Minaj's album, Pink Friday on replay, love her <3 and listening to Ed Sheeran, yes, I've mastered the art of procrastination - but on a more serious note - his music is incredibly amazing, and if you haven't heard any of his stuff, listen to it, so chilled.

On a more exciting note trash TV is scheduled to take over my life tonight. KIM and Kourtney Take New York is on E! Win - I can feed my obsession with the Kardashians, they're too beautiful. Then Holly's World. Eee I love Sunday night tv, so awesome.

Must go do photography now. Love x